Let me Learn You Something

So… I suppose this post is in response to several things I’ve seen on Facebook over the last few days concerning child education.

It all started with a post from a friend.  She shared a blog and stated that the content of the blog (which was written by a mom who pulled her child out of public school) expressed everything she was dealing with one of her own kids.  He’s stressed out, frustrated, overloaded with homework.  He’s not doing as well in his classes as she knows he’s capable.  He’s burned out, and it’s a daily fight to get all the homework done.  There have even been days, she said, where she has sat down with her son for three hours in the evening trying to get him to focus and complete his assignments.  THREE HOURS!!!  After seven hours in a classroom.  That’s ten hours of “school work” a day, and this kid isn’t even in Middle School yet!  I didn’t have that kind of work load until high school, and even then, that was rare.  Heck, I hardly had that kind of work load in college unless we were cramming for lab practicums or finals, or writing major term papers.  There is something desperately wrong with a nine- or ten-year-old having that much work forced on him.  She’s spoken with the school.  No one has any solutions, and they’re even asking her what her ideas are.  (Excuse me, but aren’t you a highly educated professional?  Isn’t this your job?  Shouldn’t you be the one coming to me with options and plans on how to help my child?)   The whole situation has only frustrated her further, which has brought her to a place where she is considering pulling him out, and homeschooling him.  Just him.  There is no indication that his two brothers are not thriving in school.  She expressed her concerns about his willingness to listen to her and learn from her.  Would he obey?  Would he pay attention?  Would it harm the relationship?  Was she even capable of doing it?

Many of the comments made were very supportive of her potential decision, saying she knew what was best for her son, and that she was capable.  One person even said that she was already homeschooling him, since she had to sit with him for three hours at night to accomplish his schoolwork.  But one “friend” was staunchly against homeschooling… even to the point where he implied that it was detrimental to the child.  When confronted, and told that he had a right to his opinion, but that this mom should do what was best for her child, he had the audacity to say that “his opinion IS what is best.”  Pulling a child out of a public school system was detrimental because, what qualifications does the average person have to teach their children at home?  Where were her degrees?  Where was her vast knowledge of subject matter?  It would cripple his social skills because he wasn’t exposed to children of other races and socio-economic background.  And on, and on, and on… as if he’d forget all the social skills he’d learned in the five years he’s been in public school, as if he’d suddenly become shy and awkward and backward, wearing his pants up past his belly button and buttoning his polo all the way to the top.

That’s offensive to me for a few reasons.  First of all, to insinuate that someone (a person I know to be very intelligent) is not capable of teaching basic elementary subjects, is downright ugly.  Secondly, to further insinuate that even if they are intellectually capable, they aren’t “educationally qualified” is asinine.  Thirdly, to stereotype all home school children as awkward and socially unaware is ignorant and bigoted.  Sure, I know some home school kids who were like that.  That’s the parent’s fault for locking them up like precious, fragile Faberge eggs, and not introducing them to society.  But a far greater number of them that I have met are kind, gracious, thoughtful, well-adjusted human beings.

Because homeschooling does not have to be total isolation.  In fact, if done correctly, home school actually opens a child up to more opportunities for adventure, socialization, etc.  There is freedom in home schooling that is not found in traditional public or private schooling.  There are opportunities for community service, for educational trips, for interesting vacations year round, that are not available to children stuck in school September through May, five days a week, seven hours a day.  There is the opportunity to go down to the local city lake and study fresh water animals in a hands-on environment.  There’s an opportunity to take a child to a museum to look up close at fossils and discuss ancient civilizations.  There’s an opportunity to take your children to plays and musicals, to learn about literature and composition.

Sure, you’re going to sacrifice some things.  Your kid won’t be on the track or volleyball or drill teams… that doesn’t mean they can’t play in public little leagues or sign up for dance classes, cheerleading or gymnastics.  Okay, so your kid won’t get the opportunity to be on a debate team, or marching band or do One-Act Play… that doesn’t mean they can’t take music lessons, or be a part of the community theater.

Listen, I’m not saying that homeschooling is better than public school or private school, or even that it’s practical for everyone.  I realize it’s not.  And I’m not dogging the public school system here.    I have many, many friends who have dedicated their lives to the teaching profession, and they are to be greatly commended because it is a demanding, and, on some days I imagine it is a thankless job.  Also, I grew up in the public school system.  I THRIVED in the public school system, even though middle school was something that rhymes with “a witch.”  (It’s like that for everyone, I’m sure.)  I loved being part of the band, and athletics.  I liked learning from my teachers, who pushed me, who challenged me, who cut me absolutely no slack when I wasn’t performing to my full potential.

But here’s the deal, the public school system today is vastly different from what it was when I was in school, and I only graduated fifteen years ago.  There is so much stress and pressure from our state and federal legislature for these kids to pass these standardized tests.  Teachers aren’t allowed the freedom they had when I was a kid.  They can’t do like my sixth grade history teacher and go outside and create an archaeological dig site for us to excavate.  Now they all have to teach to a test, and teach a certain way, and pressure, pressure, pressure, for kids to pass so that (1) they can be advanced to the next grade, and (2) the school can continue getting the state funding in requires.  (Funding which isn’t even enough for our kids to have text books any more.  Give them an iPad instead so we can email their homework to them… don’t even get me started on how I wanted to help my brothers with homework, but couldn’t remember exactly how to do something I learned 20 years ago, and just needed to see it written out so I could try to explain it, but was out of luck because they now have to check out a freaking textbook from the library.  But I digress…)  Our teachers’ hands are tied.  And our children are stressed to the max because mom wants to help with homework, but there are no instructions on the math worksheet sent home other than “Find the common denominators” (or possibly something even more complex).  Or, there’s a reading worksheet he didn’t complete in class with questions about a story the teacher read, but the story isn’t attached to the worksheet, so mom can’t read the story and offer suggestions on where to find the correct answers.

Look… I say all that to say that this guy saying that his opinion is the best, and public school is best for EVERY KID is egotistical and demeaning to others who disagree.   Some kids flourish in public school.  They enjoy the people and the programs and the pace and the demands, and they thrive.  If that’s your kid, keep right on doing what you’re doing.  But not all kids are like that.  And not every schooling situation is correct for every family and every kid.  Some kids are highly intelligent, but need a slower pace to process and learn.  Home school may be more suited to their needs.  Some kids are super bright and get bored in average classrooms, and need an accelerated pace to keep them from being distractions or troublemakers.  Home school or a specific type of charter school may be more suited to their needs.  Some kids may have behavioral issues at home and school, and after everything, mom and dad are left exhausted and pulling out their hair.  Military school, or some very strict private school setting may be more suited to their needs.

At the end of the day, no kid is the same, no family is the same, and no situation is the same.  It is entirely possible to have three kids who each require different learning environments to thrive, one at public school, one home schooled, and one at a charter school.  And if a family is in a financial position to provide that for each child, and the parents are doing it because it is the very best thing for their children… there should be nothing stopping that family from doing it, and no human on the face of the planet has any right to tell those parents they are wrong, simply based on the fact that that choice isn’t what is best for their own children.  Just because it’s right for you, doesn’t mean it’s right for me, dude.  And you can go build a bridge and get over yourself.

To my friend who is faced with this decision, I would say this:  You know your kiddo best.  You know what he needs.  You’re his mom; there is no one on the planet right now who knows him better than you.  It’s your job to teach, nurture, and foster him into adulthood, so that he becomes a well-adjusted, contributing member of society.  But more importantly, it’s your job to show him Jesus and be an example of His Love and grace.  I know you take that very seriously.  Y’all do what is right for your boys.  Anyone who disagrees with you can go jump off a stinking cliff.

Remember-
You have a purpose.  Go walk it out.

Kasidee